This post comes to you in two parts. Get excited.
PARTE UNO!
It's OPENING NIGHT FOR RENT HUZZAAAHHHHHHHHHHH ::collapse::.
I. Am. So. Tired. Guh.
But tonight is going to be great. I think. Yes. It will. If I can wake up, that is.
And The Man is going to be in the audience and everything. Best bo'fren' evah.
Hopefully I'll remember to bring my camera and take some awesome behind the scenes shots for you kids. I know how much you thrive on living vicariously through my photography.
PARTE DOS!
It has been rapidly becoming apparent that my focus in life is not just to become a professional actor. I love theatre. I want to be around it in some form or another for the rest of my life. This plan has not changed.
But you know what else is knocking on my mental door like a massive big-bad wolf hungry for several helpings of fresh pork???
I am SO FREAKIN' PASSIONATE about gender equality.
It's almost becoming a problem.
Why, you ask? Because I'm preparing to put my neck on the proverbial chopping block for an MFA in acting--which is kind of not the same thing as a graduate degree in gender studies. And now it's gotten to the point where I'm looking for the right monologues for my week of being in front the guillotine (a.k.a. grad school auditions) and I'm snorting and huffing at those monologues that have obvious stereotypical gender bias in them. (YOU try finding a classical monologue for a young lady character who is actually a depiction of a real woman, and not of a snivelling little damsel in distress who can't do anything for herself because she's so lovesick over the abusive man who thinks he owns her. Yeah. Just try it.)
I am acutely aware of the lack of admirable women in today's media. In novels, sitcoms, films, plays, even commercials-- it is still very male-centric, and when there are women, they are usually pretty and tiny and do not serve any purpose other than what they are doing in relation to the men around them or for general sex appeal (also male-centric). The girl next door, the sister, the mom, the best friend, the devoting wife to the troubled husband, the secretary, and on and on and on. That is not to say that there are no admirable ladies on stage or on screen. There could just be a hell of a lot more. This is one of the reasons why I plan on being published (lots) in my lifetime. I want to write fiction and I want to write plays and I want to work to fill this void in today's literary canon.
But aside from the material that is out there--I'm an actor. I understand that 99 times out of 100, I am not going to be in complete agreement with the character I am portraying. The whole point of acting is to work to take yourself out of your box and to understand what it's like to be in someone else's shoes, someone who is different from you on every level. It is why I think acting is one of the most rewarding and courageous pursuits. I've played a courtesan, a disillusioned rape victim, an abusive mother, a mother superior in a convent who imprisoned wayward girls, a Trojan queen who killed innocent children, a homeless drug addict, and the list goes on. None of these characters are me. And I was able, by the divine gift being able to act, transcend myself for a while and learn what it was like to be them.
And here I am. Same actor. Same person. Having a really hard time separating my personal beliefs from the material I am choosing. On the one hand, I have to separate them in order to be a good chameleon (which is what actors are). On the other hand, I don't want to perpetuate the lack of truly admirable women on the stage by choosing material that I don't believe in and don't connect with.
Is this a sign? Is my focus shifting? I still want to act professionally and teach acting classes and direct down the road. But I also really want to take a social issues/gender studies focus to the whole thing. Is there a way to combine these two animals into one graduate education? How the heck do I even make that happen???
It's time to call up some faculty from my undergrad, from the theatre department AND from the womens' studies department. I think I may need an Existential Life Crisis meeting with them. I could certainly use some advice.
9 comments:
Congrats on opening night! That's so exciting!
As far as your life crisis, I know how you feel... I've been looking at grad schools lately. While I know (finally) what I want to study, I don't know where I want to go. It's confusing and kinda really scary. (I think it's interesting you mention women in the media. I just finished a paper about the portrayal of the family in the media. Yay overlapping interests!). To be honest, I don't think I have any "real advice" per se, because I'm the last person in the world to ask.
But I think if you find something you truly love, which you obviously have, then the rest will fall into place. Meeting with some former advisers and faculty might just give you the guidance you need. Best of luck! Keep us updated - and kick butt tonight! :D
Cross-roads moments are tough, but the feeling of clarity from the epiphany (when you figure it out) will make it all worth it.
Part One: Congrats on RENT! Have your mans take some photos!
Part Two: I would LOVE to see you work in gender equality! That's something I've always wanted to do, but I ended up in education instead. It's not a passion, but it's a job. But if you can do something you love, that will legitimately pay the bills, my vote is to go for it!
Thank you! I will do my best to make that happen. :-)
And I love this comment so much. I have no idea how to effectively combine these two passions without just getting two different masters degrees, but that seems very unnecessary (and also hella expensive). What do you do with education? Are you teaching the next generation of crazies?? Thank you for the support, and I'm hoping I can figure out a way to make this dichotomy of passions work.
Thank you for your comment, Your Baddass-ness! That beautiful moment of cloud-clearing "a-ha!" is what I am looking forward to. I just need to go talk to some people way older and smarter than me who know what the deal is. Then it should all even out, right? :-D
Thank you so much!!! :-D I wish all my blog friends could come see me, but blast it, all of you are spread out over the planet or something ridiculous like that. Melodramatic sigh.
Kudos to you on the grad decision! And I def know how you feel--figuring out where to go is proving to be... uh... I don't know. So many programs look so wonderful, so at the end of the day I'm kind of just trusting my mentors on what they know about the university systems and on what my gut tells me. Like, my gut has been telling me that moving out of the southeast is what is most likely going to happen. The Midwest looks like it's the big contender right now. I am hoping that a beautiful aligned program that incorporates all of my wants and needs will just fall into my lap soon. Because that is totally how these things happen.
And no worries, I will totes keep you kids updated. :-D
I was working as an academic advisor, where I was doing both advising (dealing with course requirements) and counseling (dealing with developmental milestones / students' personal issues and how they affect their academics). I'm now working as a student services coordinator at a different university, which is similar, except I'm no longer doing the counseling part of the job, because there are separate advisors / counselors in another area of campus for that. It's still enjoyable, but I sort of miss those interactions with students where I help them decide what to do with their lives and watch them grow.
Here's a question on the master's degrees: Do you NEED one for theater? I mean, it will certainly help, but I feel like the MA in gender studies would be necessary if you really want to be in a position to create change. I could be wrong about theater (and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong!), but having an academic background doesn't seem to be as helpful in that field as it would be in one more related to social justice / change. I would vote to go for the MA in gender studies while continuing to act on the side.
Thank you for your advisorial feedback, and yes, if I want to teach, I DO need one for theatre. You can't get a job at a university in a theatre department to teach acting without one, and that is definitely something I want to do eventually. It's also just a much better in-depth exploration of everything I never had time for in undergrad. And as someone who may open my own company someday, I want to get as familiar with the history and the world of professional theatre as I can. MFA programs also open you up to the professional world of theatre and film at large--there are showcases for agents and companies in NY and LA, and the amount of learning and connection I would gain throughout the whole process is irreplaceable. I'm going to stay on this path for the time-being, but the idea of a degree in gender studies is also very intriguing. I can get both, right? Two masters degrees is easy to get, right? ... Right??
OH! I missed the "wanting to teach theater" part. And yes, the networking is invaluable. So two masters it is, I guess :)
Master's programs are rigorous, but if you're just going to school, it'll be much easier. (I worked full time during my program and it SUCKED.) Also, you could feasibly do both programs back-to-back. You'd be worn out at the end of them, but you'd be finished! And you'd only have to take the GRE once (which is a huge plus in my book)!!
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