Schmerg.

Uuuuuuuuuuugggghhhheeeeaaaauuuggghhhbbbllleeeccchhhhhuuugggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.


Please pardon my my woeful groans of discomfiture and sorrow.


I feel like an awful lot of this blog has been me trying to give myself pep talks or vent about how I feel tired or sick or overwhelmed or burdened or frustrated or silly or stupid or tired or sick or overwhelmed.  And on these posts, I have often gotten a few, "You can do it!"'s in response, which are always helpful and make me crack those rusty old facial muscles and experience a genuine smile, but sometimes I just get fed up with the same 'ole, same 'ole.  I mean, we've covered this already: the first year to two years out of college suck royally; I've chosen a career field in which there will be very little pay, if any, for a long time until the rest of the world realizes how awesome I am and showers me with Tony's; and I'm in a perpetual state of Stuck. 

That's what's getting me the most right now, and for the majority of this past year, really--the illusion and actuality of Being Stuck.  So many of my friends are dealing with this exact same plague, this highly communicable disease that we're passing around faster than mono in a freshman dorm, and it just seems like the reality of Being Stuck is never going to end.

I'm approaching the one-year mark of being a college graduate.  Within two weeks, I will hit that milestone, and along with having a performance of RENT that day, I know that I will also inwardly be screaming like a headless chicken from the sheer terror of not having accomplished as much as I thought I would in this amount of time.  I move back home today from the house I've been taking care of for the parents of a friend, and leaving that lovely empty house after two weeks of bliss and peace and quiet is going to be really hard, and only further remind me of how behind I am on moving out on my own.  Not to mention the impending grad school deadlines, what with their fancy expensive application fees and their optimistic emails reminding me that They Are The Best School For Me, when in reality they may not like me or my paperwork at all, and it's all just sort of running together into one big blob of Stuck And Disappointment.

For those of you that have been paying attention, I've recently been graced with the amazing opportunity to contribute to the lovely Rachel F. Hirsch's brain child I Hope I Get It, the online resource for actors.  I am in the middle of researching my next post, and while I won't spoil the ending for you, I will give you a hint as to the topic: attitudes.  Specifically, attitudes of actors when they are and are not getting work.  But it's not so black-and-white, is it?  Of course not!  The attitude you have as a regular 'ole person on your off time affects your attitude at work, at play, at whatever.  And I've been doing a lot of thinking about this lately.  You guys have heard of the phrase, "Fake it 'til you make it," right?  Well, I want to challenge that.  See if it's really all it's cracked up to be--scientifically.  At first glance, it sounds genius.  Just PRETEND you are cool and successful and popular!  Then you will eventually BECOME those things, right?!?!  But in the process of getting there... you have to -(drumroll)- pretend.  You have to act.  You have to... lie?  Lie to who, other people or yourself?  And does that really do more good than harm in the long run?

I'll let you kids know when that post is fully fleshed out and up on IHIGI.  (I totally pronounce that acronym "I-hi-guy," so feel free to follow my lead.) 

In the meantime, feel free to share your thoughts with me.  About anything.  The subjects I have mentioned here, American consumerism on the day after Turkey Dinner, nerdy math jokes, what have you.  I'm not picky.